Register
Use greetings, closings, and phrasing that match the relationship and context.
celpip writing target 9+
CELPIP Writing Target 9+: a draft and revision workshop
Updated
Once grammar is mostly stable, the next gains often come from cleaner register, better task completion, and revision that actually improves the exact weakness instead of only rewriting for length.
What 9+ usually needs
Better fit often matters more than broader vocabulary
Task completion
Address every part of the prompt instead of leaving one request thin or implied.
Structure
Make the response easier to follow from opening to close without sudden logic jumps.
Revision quality
Revision should improve the real weakness, not just add more words.
Register and fit
Context-specific vocabulary matters more than “big word” ambition
Email task
The greeting, closing, and tone need to match the relationship, not just sound formal.
Survey task
A cleaner position and more precise examples often help more than overcomplicated phrasing.
An original revision workshop
Compare a complete draft with a more purposeful revision
“9+” is a study target. Neither version below has an official score. The comparison demonstrates editing choices, not a guaranteed score increase.
Original teaching prompt · Task 2
How should an unused office room be used?
Your employer is asking staff how to use an unused room. Option A is a quiet room for individual study and online training. Option B is a social lounge with games and informal seating. Choose one option and explain your reasons in about 150–200 words.
Original draft
I think both choices are good for our company, but I would probably choose the quiet room because it is a very useful thing. People have a lot of things to do at work and sometimes need somewhere different to go. It would be good to have a room that could help with this.
First, training is important. We all have online courses, and there is a lot of noise in the office. Last week I was doing a course and people were talking, which was annoying. A quiet room would be good because it would be quiet. It could have desks and computers so people could use it for training.
Also, a lounge would be nice because we could relax and talk. Everyone likes games and it would be fun. However, the company should stop wasting space and give us something useful. In conclusion, I think the quiet room is the best choice because it would be better for everyone.
Revised draft
I recommend turning the unused room into a quiet study and training space. Although a social lounge would be welcome, a dedicated room would address a problem that our existing break area cannot solve.
Our compulsory online courses require sustained attention, yet most staff complete them beside the shared printer and telephone desk. During last week’s safety module, I had to replay several instructions whenever calls interrupted the recording. A room with four desks and headsets would let staff finish these courses with fewer interruptions.
The space could also support colleagues on different shifts. A shared booking calendar and a one-hour limit would give each team a fair chance to use it, rather than allowing one department to occupy it all afternoon.
A games lounge might encourage conversation, but we already have tables for social breaks downstairs. Improving that area with comfortable chairs would preserve the social benefit while leaving the unused room available for focused work. For these reasons, I favour Option A as the more practical use of the space.
Five changes worth making in your own draft
1. Task completion: replace a hesitant choice with a clear recommendation
Before: “I would probably choose the quiet room”. After: “I recommend turning the unused room into a quiet study and training space.” The employer sees the selected option immediately, and the rest of the response supports that decision. You can acknowledge the alternative without weakening your choice.
2. Supporting details: show the cost of the current problem
Before: “there is a lot of noise”. After: the printer, telephone desk, safety module, and replayed instructions give the noise a specific effect. Four desks and headsets connect the proposed room to that effect. These are invented details within the teaching response, not research findings about workplaces.
3. Coherence: give the second reason a different job
Before: “a quiet room would be good because it would be quiet” repeats the claim. After: the shift paragraph adds access and fairness, using a booking calendar and time limit. Each paragraph develops a distinct reason for the same choice.
4. Tone: replace criticism with a workable comparison
Before: “the company should stop wasting space”. After: the final paragraph acknowledges the lounge’s benefit, identifies an existing social area, and offers a modest improvement there. This is a constructive response to an employer’s survey.
5. Vocabulary and linking: make the relationship precise
Before: “better for everyone” is broad and unsupported. After: “with fewer interruptions” states a limited benefit. “Although” signals a concession, “yet” introduces the current obstacle, and “rather than” contrasts fair access with one department occupying the room. Choose connectors for the logic; adding more connectors alone does not improve a response.
The official CELPIP writing descriptors discuss developed support, precise wording, organized paragraphs, language control, and audience fit. Use those dimensions to review a full response. A short checklist cannot assign an official level.
Revise once, then try an existing task
Before reading the notes again, choose one vague sentence in your own response and add a reason or example. The link opens the existing Free A Writing Task 2, with its own survey prompt. It does not load this workshop question. Your draft saves in this browser as you type; sign in to keep submitted results in your account or request AI feedback. Account allowances apply.
Open Writing Task 2 practiceFAQ
Questions people ask when vocabulary is no longer the whole issue
Is writing 9+ mainly about harder vocabulary?
No. It is usually more about context fit, cleaner structure, and better revision choices.
Do greetings and closings really matter?
Yes, especially when the task context makes register part of the quality signal.
What should revision improve first?
Fix the repeated score leak first, not the parts that already sound acceptable.